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Tuesday, 19 April 2011

Shalom!

On a more assuring note, I do want to give my 1000% assurance to each of my comm members that I'm always always here if they need help or if they cannot cope or if they find their roles too taxing/not suitable for them.

I hope I can be verbal about this, but if not, I'll resort to writing then
A (pleasant) surprise

Who would have thought that a committee meeting with my Welfare comm member would turn out to be so fruitful..

Happily, we sat down to brainstorm and throw out ideas about what we can possibly talk about during the retreat for the girls' session. Out of seven, we picked three. Of these three, we zoomed into each one of them. First on the list, BGR.

Branching out, there's the emotional, physical and spiritual aspects to it. We started to further branch out on the first point, emotional. Beginning with Jolene, cgl asked if she is ready to start a relationship. No, and she shared. Followed by lixia, then ended with me. Somehow, for me, cgl decided to probe. I guess I make quite a good case study because all of us were perplexed at the reason I gave. I too didn't know what was the root cause of it. Little by little, cgl probed. Little by little, the toothpaste started to ooze out.

I was rather surprised at the emotions that was being stirred because when I used this experience to encourage other people who are going through the same thing, I didn't feel any emotions. But tonight, tears was involved. And that shocked me.

I was trying my best to fight back the tears that were threatening to come out. As usual, I succeeded ^^ but I didn't fight it back intentionally. I wanted to just let it out, but I couldn't stop myself from fighting it back. I guess this is something that needs to be unlocked as well.

Anyways, I'm feeling rather naked for being so bare with my feelings and my experiences. It is so not me to share, but tonight, I did. Although not in full details, but at least I opened up myself to others. Even after having countless long van talks with cgl, even after following him for 1.5years, I didn't share this with him.

Like what he said, "tonight, you finally talked with your heart, and not with your here *points to head*. Before tonight, you were just giving me information, giving me data. But tonight, you've let us into your heart."

He wants to have another session with me, just to tackle this area. Who would have thought that I too needed a therapy session. Gosh. I bet the therapy session is going to involve hurts and tears and bitterness and anguish (I had a sneak preview earlier on, and I don't really like it). I'm not very ready to go through that yet, seriously. I'm not ready to show that part of me in front of him, and another sister (cgl said it won't be kimmy, it won't be amanda). I wonder who will be called along. But in any case, he wants to see tears FLOWING DOWN, and not just remaining in my eyes. This, is something I need Him to unlock. By my own strength, I can't.

On a lighter note, I am really encouraged by my fellow committee members like amanda and lixia who made it known to me that they will be walking closely with God from now till the retreat. Seeing kimmy's affirming nod, agreeing that the prayer leaders need to pray up a double portion also encouraged me. I take heart. I'm really glad that we're all moving in tandem. As we seek Him for this retreat in mind, I believe the praying up and the seeking Him will also minister to our private lives and our personal breakthroughs.

And I told cgl this: seeing that all my members are praying up, as the overall in-charge, I think I have to triple my 'seeking God' portion. Otherwise, how am I to lead this precious group of beloveds?

He gave a sheepish chuckle and a hard nod.

Oh well, all for the Lord!

On a side note, I guess my sharing tonight has sort of made me feel closer to my two elder sis because for now, they are the only ones who know about this hurtful secret of mine. Let's hope it'll be kept a hushhush within the people present tonight.

I received a sms each from the two sister. My deepest heartfelt gratitude and thanks to them. Of course, not forgetting the master prober cgl who kept poking and probing and pushing my boundaries till the toothpaste oozed out!

Way to go, more to come!

I pray that the 6 of us will be able to catch the way he conducts such counselling session so that we too can make a difference in the lives of those whom God will be bringing in for our ministering.

Together, we shall GO M.A.D !! (go make.a.difference)

Sunday, 17 April 2011

Shopping (?)

Look at the mark on my leg -________________-

Sometimes I really wonder what is my skin made up of. A mozzie bite at East Coast Park on the second Sunday in January 2011 hasn't recovered till now! :(

I'm so going to claim medical fees from cgl

Saturday, 16 April 2011

Those were the days

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sRmQpVG7ffc

Steph's mom played the Don Moen CD while we were busy drawing and writing on Monday night. With such familiar songs playing at the background, the noisy Rachael cannot help but to keep hush hush, fully absorbed into the songs and memories of the past.

1997, Monday to Friday, while the two kids were preparing for school every morning, their mom would play this exact same CD on the CD player. As the days past, gradually, these songs seemed to be etched into the hearts of one of them, who is me! =D

It was really nice to jolt my memory with these long forgotten songs ^^

My feivourite: God with us (esp the rapping part)

Lyrics:

He walked where I walked
He stood where I stand
He felt what I feel
He understands.
He knows my frailty
Shared my humanity
Tempted in every way
Yet without sin

God with us!
So close to us
God with us
Emmanuel (repeat)

One of a hated race
Stung by the prejudice
Suffering injustice
Yet He forgives!
Wept for my wasted years
Paid for my wickedness
He died in my place
That I might live

Emmanuel
Emmanuel (repeat)

Rapping part:
Now Unto the King eternal
Unto the reigning King
Unto the Lord Almighty
Praises I will

Sing To the King Eternal
Sing to the King of Kings
Sing to declare His glory
Let His praises ring

So I will lift my hands
in joy before my King
I lift my hands in praise
I lift my heart in joyful jubilation
lift my voice in praise!

And I will shout BLESSING! to the King
I will shout GLORY! To the King
And I will shout HONOR! To the King And I will shout POWER! To the King

Declaring BLESSING and GLORY and HONOR and POWER
Belong to Jesus the King of Kings!!
Let His praises Ring~
33 and 3 (II)

Was supposed to share this awesome testimony but somehow, the previous post was brought back to my past, and I wonder why o.o

Anyways, the Indonesian dept mount the stage of LET and started to sing the song that one of them composed. It was lively, and the way the moved made me want to dance to the groove even when sitting down..

There were a few sentences in the chorus that struck my heart, and one of them is "Aku disayang Yesus."

I have no idea what it meant, but I love the groove and the way the Philippinoes trying their best to stay with in beat(s).

my ears picked up this --> "Aku disayang Yesus"

I like the word 'sayang'.

'Sayang' came before 'Yesus'. It is as though asking me to sayang Yesus. Imagine tat. How sweet ^^

And so, I came home and keyed that into Google Translate, and it meant "I love Yesus". super cool!!